Wean’s Most Wanted

Posted November 1, 1998 at 1:40 am No Comments
Wean Hall, normally the quiet haven of computer scientists and materials engineers, has recently become the center of several  heinous crimes.  In the interest of bringing to justice the criminals that threaten the geeky yet peaceful existence of Wean Hall’s inhabitants, I’ve decided that today’s feature will be Wean’s Most Wanted.If you have information that could lead to the apprehension of the perpetrators of the crimes described below, you should immediately contact weansmostwanted@monzy.com, or call the campus police at x8-2323. wean.gif (10104 bytes)

brokenmachine.jpg (20324 bytes)
A photo from crime site.
Note the broken shards of glass.

On Thursday, November 5th, at approximately 3:00 AM, the glass front of one of the vending machines on the second floor was smashed.  As of yet, we are unsure of the motives of the criminal offender.  It is unlikely that he broke the machine open simply to steal and sell candy, since with approximately the same risk of being arrested, he could have smashed open the window to the lab around the corner and made off with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment.  It is most likely that we are dealing with either an offender who was frustrated with the machine and kicked or punched it too hard, or an offender who really needed some Twix bars.The poor machine, oblivious to the damage it had been caused, continued to print out the same cheery “HAVE A NICE DAY” message.

brokenmachinefront.jpg (26006 bytes)
The vending machine two days later.
Notice that two curly metal dispensers
are missing from the top row.

On Saturday, November 7th, just two days after the initial break-in, two of the looping metal dispensing units were stolen from the machine.  The machine’s glass front was replaced on November 9th, but the metal dispensing wires were not, leaving rows A5 and A6 forever barren.  We doubt that this crime was connected with the previous one, since the perpetrator who smashed the glass cover could easily have made off with the wires immediately instead of waiting two days.

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One of Wean’s Most Wanted.

On Monday, November 9th, one day after monzy.com published a web update regarding Spice Girls dolls, it was noticed that these same dolls had disappeared from the lab in Wean Hall 2306.Later that day, a security camera caught this image of an unidentified individual entering a men’s bathroom on the third floor of Wean Hall, carrying Spice Girls dolls in both arms and grinning sheepishly.  He is assumed to be the kidnapper.  If you have information regarding his whereabouts, you should immediately send a message to weansmostwanted@monzy.com.   Under no circumstances should you attempt to apprehend this individual on your own.   He is considered highly dangerous.

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