Pick-Up Lines

Posted October 13, 1998 at 9:00 am No Comments

I think that maybe a good line to use on women at parties would be “I don’t like to be called a computer programmer.  I prefer to think of myself as a binary stylist.”  But maybe they’d just throw ice cubes at you if you said that.   Try it and let me know if it works.

It would be fun to make a rated catalogue of pick-up lines.  Do you want to help me do this?  Next time you’re in a suitable public place, such as the library, go around and try a few different lines.  Keep track of which ones are successful and which are not.  Actually, to make this appear more scientific, perhaps you could rate the success of each line on a scale of one to ten.  Then send all of the data to me and I’ll compile and analyze the submissions.

Here’s an example:

Pick-Up Line

Success Rating
“Do you know karate?  Because your body is really kickin’.” 2
“If I were a fly, I’d be all over you, ’cause you’re the shit.” 1
“Be still my beating heart, for my life is given new meaning as my soul is consumed in an ocean of sunlight as deep as the sea of diamonds in the twinkling eyes of an angel descended from heaven in which my mind is lost in the oblivion of beautiful splendor.” 3
I am a magical being, take off your bra. 0

You may have noticed that the last line on this list is fairly gender-specific, but I’d like to stress that females are encouraged to participate in this study as well.  If they choose to do so, they can use comparable, equally gender-specific substitutes, such as “I’d rip out both my eyes just so you’d have more holes to screw me in.”

DISCLAIMER: Don’t actually say any of this crap, you moron.  The staff of monzy.com assumes no liability for any lost or damaged pride, black eyes, or lawsuits that result from the use of these lines.

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