Phone Repairs

Posted August 31, 1998 at 8:00 am No Comments

You know why nothing could possibly go wrong today?  Because I finally reached that elusive 4-plate goal.  Yup, four whole plates of spaghetti at Highlander.   No, actually it was four of those non-spaghetti-filled plates that one finds at the Old Gym.  I’ve been shooting for that for so long you wouldn’t believe.  Well, actually you would probably believe it, but the point is I’ve made some good progress since my scrawny freshman days.

It’s a good thing that that all worked out so well, because otherwise today would have been supremely annoying.  See, this issue of Erin and Emily’s phone lines has really been getting on my nerves.  Three visits now, and the damn things still aren’t fully functional.  Here’s a synopsis:

  • Visit 1:
    Since I don’t know which of the many wires in the wall represents the second phone line, I try all of the pairs of wires one by one, seeing if I can hit upon a pair that produces a dial tone.  For a long time, none of the pairs of wires work.  Finally, I try the last pair of remaining wires.  Bingo!  Relieved, I hook the wires up to the phone jack.

    Immediately the phone rings.  This is puzzling, seeing as nobody is supposed to know the number for the second line yet.  Erin picks up and says “Hello?”   Jodi, her downstairs neighbor, picks up and says “Hello?”  Then we realize that what I had actually done was tap into Jodi’s phone line.

    Jodi was surprisingly nice about it.  “I won’t be around tonight, so you can use it if you want,” she said, “as long as you don’t make any long-distance phone calls.”

    Too bad Jodi is so incredibly friendly.  If she were more of a bitch we could have used her phone line to call lots of those 900 numbers.

  • Visit 2:
    Emily calls the phone company and tells them that although she is paying for a second phone line, no wires for a second phone line exist in her apartment.  “Oh yes,” they respond, “we knew that.  We were just waiting for you to call to schedule an appointment.”  Go figure.

    Four days later, a phone company serviceman comes to activate the wires from the basement and test them in the upstairs apartment.  Might he be able to hook up the phone jacks too?  Sure, but that would cost 85 dollars.

    I come by the next afternoon and connect the four wires from the wall to the phone jack.   I guess that the going rate is $21.25 per wire these days.  Problem:  we have two modems, two phones, and an answering machine, but only three phone cables.

  • Visit 3:
    Do you really want to hear about Visit 3?  As Ethan would say, “no“.   You’re bored out of your fucking mind by now.  Why did I waste my time writing this ridiculous narrative when I could have been working on my differential equations homework?

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