Java Versus Sex

Lately I’ve been reading the CS Undergraduate Discussion Bulletin Board, where Mike Schuresko suggested (jokingly, of course) that Carnegie Mellon combine two of its most popular annual informational events, “Sex Week” and “Java Day“.  That idea got me thinking: why should sex be in the spotlight for an entire week while Java receives only one day of attention?   Somebody somewhere must have decided that sex is better than Java, but personally I’m not so convinced.  Let’s run through a quick feature-by-feature comparison: Java Versus Sex.

It’s clear that the contest between sex and Java is very close, but ultimately Java comes out ahead.  I think that it boils down to a security issue: while running a Java applet incurs no risk of corrupting your system with viruses or spawning illegitimate child processes, sex offers no such guarantees.  Another consideration is that when you’re putting together your resumé, writing “Java programming: 2 years experience” looks better than writing “Sex: 2 years experience.”

You may not agree with my comparison, but I don’t mind.  After all, my opinions may be biased by the fact that I can get Java.  If your Friday nights are spent procreating rather than instantiating, at least consider using some Java-inspired pick-up lines like “Hey baby, wanna import my package?  It’s dynamically extensible.”