Bad Lollipop Designs

Posted October 18, 1999 at 2:24 am 5 Comments

jarjarpops.jpg (16515 bytes)
The retractable pink lollipop
inside the Jar Jar dispenser
is textured just like a tongue.

Candy necklaces are a little bit weird. Tongue Splashers are even stranger. And I’m not sure who came up with the idea for Gummi Pet Rats. But these Jar Jar lollipops definitely fall under the category of “candy that should never have been made.”First of all, according to a certain survey, the majority of my readership harbors a greater enmity toward Jar Jar Binks than toward Adolf Hitler. But all Jar Jar hating aside, it seems to me that even the most fervent Binks fan wouldn’t be all that enthusiastic about sucking on his slimy Gungan tongue.

Now if they were to make a Queen Amidala version, I might have a different opinion…

monstermouth.jpg (14851 bytes)
Good thing the Monster Mouth is easy to use! There’s nothing
that I hate more than a difficult-to-operate Monster Mouth.

maulcandy.jpg (19612 bytes)
One AA Battery provides hours of
effortless sucking coupled with
simultaneous saber-stroking enjoyment.

Battery-powered motorized lollipops are another variety of candy I’ve never been able to understand. Presumably they’re designed for people who are too lazy to turn lollipops on their own. Pushing the button on this “Dueling Action” Darth Maul Spin Pop causes the lollipop to rotate while Darth Maul strokes his light saber rhythmically. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this one for the first time: look at that motion and tell me it’s not inappropriate for children.

The Obi Wan lollipop is even better because he holds his lightsaber out in front with both hands.


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