A Selection of Splendid Shirts

Yawaraka Atama Juku offers a collection of puzzles and brainteasers, separated into five categories: think, identify, compute, memorize, and analyze. Once you’ve completed a run of tests, the game displays a radial graph showing your brainpower in each category. This “brain map” is accompanied by a letter grade that describes what type of brain you have — a “doctor’s brain,” or “artist’s brain,” for example.

I felt obligated to point this out before posting another round of Engrish pictures, just so you understand how difficult it is to translate between the two languages. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I’m really in no position to criticize Japanese attempts at English; if I were asked to design something in Japanese I’m sure I would produce something even worse than these specimens. Still, I think that some of them are just too interesting to keep to myself.

I had spent some time browsing engrish.com before leaving for Japan, but I was under the impression that the photos it contained were examples of rare and precious Engrish gems. What I soon discovered was that these examples of Engrish were simply everywhere, T-shirts being the most prominent example. First there were the shirts with simple typos or R/L inversions — shirts that said “Jesus Crist,” for example, or the shirt I saw with a stylized picture of some palm trees, beneath which was written “MARIBU.” But then there were examples like these, which really go a step beyond and lead you to wonder what exactly the shirt designer was thinking.

Funny, I thought they were around earlier than 1986.	"Valid to Mod New York"	"It goes to get a haircut after a long time."
"An orange Streetlight Very much."	"Die instead of those who also perform etal. shedding tears, this bacillus guy Waste! It returns to the country, inhales and sleeps also on a mama’s milk!  It is crazy!  Therefore, local of is diagreeable!  EXCITE ACTION and it is waste and there is no existence value and war and anything is those guiltless!  Brains of fucker! Shrewd smell a crow. This mother complex guy!  It will kill a front Terrible impudent shelf. It is shaken if you etc. and, naturally is what! Also do masturbation, It sex with that child in the face of you."	"Like flowers love the sun but even more And fill my heart with love for only you… When she grooves"
"WE STEPPING IT HOTTER THIS YEAR"	"Creation of new world standard, clearing previous standards. SUPER EVOLUTION OF STRENGTH"
I think it’s supposed to say "UPGRADE," as in, "Time to upgrade my elegance with this awesome shirt."	I’m not sure what a "drilling convention" is, but it appears that if you attend one, 139 is a respectable score: "The drilling convention WAS done all together LAST NIGHT. My SCORE was 139. It is not BAD!"

I once heard of a Japanese guy who came to study in the US and paid his way through college by selling American toys to wealthy Japanese collectors who were fascinated with American oddities. He would go to the Toys ‘R Us and take pictures of all of the cheap toys, and post them for sale on the Japanese equivalent of eBay at hugely inflated prices. Whenever he got a buyer, he would go back to the store, purchase the item, and ship it to Japan. This allowed him to distribute a large selection of toys with no initial investment. I could imagine a operating similar business with strange Japanese T-shirts, crossing the Pacific in the opposite direction. Now I regret not buying any of them — they would have made great novelty gifts.