Did I Mention that I Spit the Dopest Rhymes?

Posted March 10, 2008 at 8:39 pm | 23 Comments
Dan and John, in high school and today. 10 years later, and we are pimper than ever.
My first foray into recording rap songs was back in 1995. I was a sophomore in high school, and my buddies Chris and John and I got it into our heads that we would start a rap group, which for some ridiculous reason we named the “Big Booty Bass Mad Klown Ho Posse.” We began recording a series of truly terrible rap songs. Our “studio” was my bedroom, and our equipment consisted of a 486SX PC with a copy of CoolEdit, a cheap Casio keyboard, and a Radio Shack microphone. We would try to cut down on the background noise in our tracks by recording most of our vocals with blankets over our heads. We actually cranked out an entire album that way, with tracks that touched on a variety of nerdy topics. Some of the album’s song titles that spring to mind are:

  • Ghetto Mathematics, a tribute to our high school math team, of which I was captain. Sample lyric: We’re loced-out gangstas and we’re looking for some action / As we decompose these functions into sets of partial fractions.
  • Gandhi, a rap chronicling the life and times of Mahatma Gandhi. I seem to recall that it closed with the line “An eye for an eye makes a blind India, motherfucker!”
  • Ode to Hazel, a rhyming tribute to Hazel O’Leary, the energy secretary under the Clinton administration, who came to visit our high school. Thankfully we did not attempt to perform it in her presence.
  • Pizza Crazy Fool, a song describing the tribulations of a pizza delivery boy who leads a secret life as a DJ in the evenings. Sample lyric: Pizza, pizza, tastes so good / Get some pizza for your hood!

I hesitate to call any attention to the fact that these songs exist, because they were so embarrassingly awful that I still cringe when I think of them. I certainly won’t be posting any of them here, but if you dig around enough in the monzy.com archives you may be able to unearth an old recording or two. I suppose it is unremarkable that my 16-year-old self did not have a particularly mature or refined sense of humor, but I still feel ashamed of my early rapping efforts.

Fortunately, around the time that Chris, John, and I went off to college, we realized how feeble our rapping attempts were, and resolved to put down our microphones for good. I still see Chris all the time, and he has stayed true to this promise (we both ended up in grad school at Stanford, and share an apartment now). John and I gradually drifted out of touch… until about a year ago, when we discovered each other on YouTube.

It turned out that John and I had both independently decided to pick up the mic again, after a ten-year hiatus, and begin recording nerdy rap songs with renewed vigor. When I saw John’s debut music video, Lips and Assholes, I knew that we would have to “get the band back together,” as it were, and collaborate on something again.


The result of our first tandem effort in more than ten years is a music video called “So Fucking Pimp.” Perhaps you remember that I was once quoted as saying that “geeks are the new pimp”. To me, nerdcore is all about the idea that everyone is pimp in their own way. Naturally, geeks are not pimp for the reasons traditionally cited in rap songs (wealth, women, jewelry, cars, strength, etc.) — but certainly everyone has their own special skills to be proud of, and nerdcore is all about embracing the things that make you unique, even if they are not widely appreciated.

John recorded two great verses for this song too, but we still have to shoot video for those, so stay tuned for the remix, with 66.6% more pimpness.

In other nerdcore news, my amigo Doctor Popular is dropping his new album today, entitled Me Geek Pretty One Day. I listened to it last night and I heartily give it the monzy.com seal of approval. DP is very talented and is one of the most original voices in nerdcore, so you should definitely check out his album if you are thirsty for more geeked-out hip-hop.


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